


Listen Up

by Sincerely_Sierra



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Presents, Crack Taken Seriously, F/F, Humor, Women in Love, selective hearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23799025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sincerely_Sierra/pseuds/Sincerely_Sierra
Summary: Zoe has a habit of tuning out Madison halfway through their conversations. That is, until she makes a complete fool of herself after she goes deaf when Madison tells her what she wants for Christmas.
Relationships: Zoe Benson/Madison Montgomery
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	Listen Up

Zoe could not listen to this ridiculous story any longer. She had known, from the moment had Madison stormed into their bedroom with her hair doused in ice water, that nothing good or positive would leave Madison’s mouth for the remainder of the evening. Zoe did what she’d been training herself to do for months; go “deaf.”

Of course, Zoe was not actually deaf. She had been practicing this magical thing called “selective hearing”, for months. It worked wonders when Madison would not stop running her mouth and complaining about the most frivolous things, like Cordelia taking her car keys away or Mallory stealing her favorite blouse. 

This time in particular, Madison was soaked, and maybe she had told Zoe how that happened, but Zoe could only hear a faint ringing in her head. Madison’s lips were moving quite fast, and Zoe tried to read them to decipher some information, but she found it too difficult and tedious. Madison was flailing and moving too much. 

“That’s nice, baby,” Zoe deadpanned as she typed away on her laptop. 

Madison folded her arms and popped one hip out, looking at her girlfriend of two years with such longing and demand for a shred of attention. Zoe continued to type, pushing her glasses further up her nose. 

“You aren’t even listening!” Madison accused. 

“I am! I hear you!” Zoe replied without taking her eyes off the computer screen, where she had been googling society’s meek view on witchcraft. 

Madison tipped her head back as a grown rumbled from her throat. Her hair was still very wet and dripping on the floor at her bare feet. She smirked at Zoe, who was very unsuspecting, and rapidly shook her head. 

Zoe’s screen and glasses were now obscured by cold water droplets. The brunette witch sighed and closed the lid of the laptop before drying off her lenses and replacing them on her face, then swung around on the bed to face Madison.

“It’s about time you give me attention,” Madison quipped. “I’ve only been ranting and raving for ten minutes about what that little hobbit did to me.”

“And who’s the hobbit?” Zoe asked.

“A-ha! You weren’t listening! I already told you who it was!” Madison jabbed her finger into Zoe’s chest. “You don’t listen for shit!”

Zoe sighed, again, and rubbed her aching head. Madison was the definition of a sober hangover. 

“Okay, fine, I wasn’t listening,” admitted the younger witch. “But I’m very busy right now. I have to finish doing my research, and then I have to find a recipe for Christmas cookies. Christmas is two weeks away and we still have a lot of things to do.”

“That’s what me and the hobbit were fighting about before she threw water on me,” Madison said as she plopped onto the bed. “Christmas presents.”

_Oh, for fuck’s sake_ , Zoe bitterly thought to herself. 

While Madison trailed on and on with something about Christmas and how Mallory was being a grinch because she wouldn’t share any of her presents she would get this year, Zoe resumed her research. Soon, the selective hearing kicked in, and Madison’s voice turned into white noise. 

Realizing Zoe had already turned her hearing off, Madison whined and threw herself back onto the bed. The pillowcase was now wet, too. But Zoe did not mind, so long as Madison was quiet. 

“Hey, Zo?” Madison asked after a moment. 

“Hm?” Zoe was still typing. Her hearing was now half on, half off. 

“I know we don’t get each other anything extravagant on Christmas, but maybe we should this year,” Madison suggested. “I think I know what I want.”

“Uh-huh.”

Zoe kept her eyes focused on the screen while she took notes—or committed downright plagiarism. Madison rambled on and on again, shoving Zoe with her bare foot. Madison frowned when her girl did not budge or even look at her. This stupid coven took up so much of Zoe’s time, or perhaps Zoe was just too dedicated to it, but whatever the case, Madison was beginning to feel like a third wheel.

“Mads, leave my back alone,” Zoe deadpanned as she shuffled her papers. “I’m almost done. Then we can go down and help Cordelia with the dishes.”

Huffing, Madison started to talk about Christmas gifts and all these insane ideas, and Zoe could only listen to thirty seconds of it before the ringing replaced her hearing. She was at peace for a few minutes, until she decided, it was probably a good idea to check in on what Madison was saying. 

“. . .baby. Yeah, I kinda want that this year.”

Zoe’s hearing was full-force now. And she believed, for one second, that it was betraying her after her abuse, a little payback for mistreating its intended purpose. Madison Montgomery? Wanting a baby? Impossible!

Maybe there was a goddess, and that goddess had an insane sense of humor, because there was no real chance of Madison desiring to have a baby with Zoe. No, there was no real chance of Madison wanting a baby at _all_. The last time she’d held anything like a baby—a sack of flour in the supermarket—she had dropped it straight to the floor. 

“I think it would be cool. It would teach me responsibility. You know, like Cordelia’s always whining about,” Madison added on as she rolled off the bed. 

Zoe’s heart was thudding violently in her chest. Her cheeks had been flushed and flared since she’d heard that word. 

“What’s your problem?” Madison asked Zoe while slipping on her robe. “Why are you all red?”

“I had strawberries. You know what happens when I have strawberries.”

Zoe quickly got off the bed and ran into their bathroom to collect herself. She could feel her body swelling and tingling, but not from her severe strawberry allergy. Her entire body felt as if it were on fire. 

Madison wanted a baby for Christmas, and though Zoe couldn’t get herself pregnant—nor did she want to—she would do her very best to make Madison happy. She had only two weeks to figure out a plan and give Madison what she wanted, because, in all honesty, she felt a little guilty about ignoring her for so long. 

So, if Madison wanted a baby for Christmas, a baby she would receive.

+++

Zoe now had eleven days to sort this baby thing out. She was unwilling to get herself pregnant, and it was unethical to swoop in like a vulture and snatch a random, unsuspecting baby playing in the sandbox at the park. She loved Madison with all her heart, but she was not willing to go to jail for her, for a second time. 

Where would she find a baby on such short notice? And why Madison? Why now? They had only been grazing the topic of marriage for a few months, and though the idea sounded like a headache made in heaven, having a child with the blonde witch was something that Zoe could not yet fathom. 

It wasn’t a terrible thought, but it certainly wasn’t pleasing, either. Madison was far from responsible, and Zoe could just imagine her dropping the baby on the floor the first minute she held it. Madison Montgomery was not a baby person, and it confused Zoe as to why she was craving motherhood so suddenly. 

Nevertheless, Zoe tried. She tried every idea possible, outlining every single plan she could think of. She figured, she could give Madison something similar to a baby. Maybe a sack of flour wearing a bonnet, or a baby doll wrapped in a blanket. It was the thought that counted, right?

Mallory entered the study wearing a bright red dress that flowed down to her ankles. It nearly blinded Zoe, who already had the misfortune of needing reading glasses. 

“Look! Coco finished my dress!” Mallory exclaimed, twirling around. “Isn’t it cool? I’m gonna look like a doll when she does my makeup for Christmas Eve!”

Mallory was correct. She did look like a doll. Mallory always looked like a fragile porcelain doll upon a shelf, with her dark brown curls and sweet doe eyes. Her skin was unblemished and healthy, like the smooth texture of glass, though her face was still quite babyish.

A baby. She looked like a baby.

Zoe smiled and put her pen down, moving to touch Mallory’s shoulder. 

“It’s beautiful, Mallory,” Zoe said. “I need your help with something, but you can’t get freaked out.”

Mallory’s eyes flickered, her eyebrows furrowed, and she frowned. Zoe seemed too serious in the moment, and why wasn’t she fawning over her gorgeous dress?! 

“So, Madison wants a baby for Christmas,” Zoe said quietly.

“What?! Ew!” Mallory scrunched her nose. That information was enough to make her retch. 

“Shh! Just listen! I need your help. I’m obviously not going to give her a real baby. We aren’t even married, and we’re both too immature,” Zoe admitted. “Can you be the baby for Christmas? You’ve got the face for it.”

Mallory took major offense to that statement. She was most definitely not a baby, and Zoe’s insistence on her being one to make her girlfriend happy for a night was very disturbing, to say the least. 

“I am not a baby! How dare you insult me that way. I’m an adult, and I know I’m annoying sometimes, but I can’t act like a baby,” said with a pout. 

“Mallory, last week you cried because Madison ate the last goldfish crackers.”

“I had them first! And I was on my period and very hormonal! You can’t hold me to that!” Mallory cried. 

“Okay, fine, but can you please just do this? Not for Madison, but for me? Please? It’s just one night,” Zoe begged, grabbing Mallory’s ice cold hands. 

Pulling her hands away, Mallory shook her head. It was quite pitiful how Zoe, Mallory’s teacher, was acting towards her. All desperate and in her feelings. And all to please Madison and her baby rabies, which did not even make a shred of sense. Pathetic! 

“Please, Mallory,” Zoe pleaded. Her eyes glistened. “Look, I’ll do your chores for you, I’ll recommend you to Cordelia to get you to the top of every single class, I’ll buy you a lifetime supply of goldfish, I’ll do anything for you if you just give me one night of your life.”

Mallory contemplated for a moment. She needed no help in working herself up to be Cordelia’s wingwoman. After all, she was the next to rise. Though she was heartbroken that she was snuffing Cordelia’s life day by day, what more could she want in life? She would be supreme. Nothing Zoe could offer would hold a candle to that. Not even a lifetime supply of goldfish.

“So what would you like me to do?” Mallory asked. “Crawl around on the floor saying ‘goo-goo ga-ga’? Wear a diaper like this is some weird little kink? Would you like me to be all over your boobs, too?”

“No. I’ll go up to the attic and look through some of the crap to see if there’s, like, a pacifier or something. And maybe an adorable little bonnet. You would look so cute in a bonnet.”

“This is seriously weird,” Mallory admitted. “One night, but not Christmas Eve. I’m not willing to be put in a gift box and burst out like a stripper from a bachelor cake. That’s where I draw the line. And I want to wear this dress. Babies don’t wear dresses like this. Do it before then or no deal. And I would like you to bake me those amazing snickerdoodle cookies. Please.”

Zoe smiled. 

“Deal.”

+++

December 23rd was a long day of preparation and stress. After Zoe baked Mallory the cookies as part of their deal, she called Mallory into her bedroom and sat her down on the bed. She enchanted the locks of the door, just in case Madison was lurking around somewhere. 

“Is this the part where I have to be the baby?” Mallory sighed. “I wanted to watch The Grinch with Coco tonight.” 

“We’ll be quick, I promise,” Zoe assured. 

Mallory swung her feet as Zoe presented an old pink baby bonnet. It was. . .tiny, to say the least. Mallory’s head would never fit in that thing!

“I can’t wear that! It’s too small for my gigantic head!” 

Zoe ignored her cries of protest as she forced it on Mallory’s head and tied it at her chin. It was squeezing her jaw, hanging onto the last centimeter of its pathetic life. Mallory scowled, her eyes flashing with anger.

“You look precious!” Zoe cooed. 

“I feel like an idiot,” Mallory mumbled. 

Zoe shoved something into Mallory’s mouth, and Mallory immediately recognized the latex nipple from her own childhood when she would not give up the pacifier until she was three. 

“Oh my god, you really do look like a baby!” Zoe giggled.

Mallory removed the binky from her mouth and glared at Zoe. This was nowhere near funny or appropriate! Zoe was her instructor, and here she was, forcing Mallory to be her child for a night to appease her girlfriend. This had to be illegal somewhere.

“Oh, here,” Zoe said, handing Mallory an empty glass baby bottle.

“This is going too far.”

“Hush. Put that back in your mouth. And don’t ruin this. Whatever Madison wants for Christmas is what she gets, okay?”

“Why, because you feel guilty that you don’t actually listen to her when she talks to you?” Mallory asked. “I know you, Zoe. I can feel what you’re feeling. Your heart is beating a million miles a minute and your anxiety is through the roof. You don’t want Madison to be angry with you for ignoring her.”

Now she struck Zoe’s final nerve. Zoe shoved the pacifier back into her mouth and shushed her very harshly. Mallory only flinched once before idly sucking on the artificial nipple. It reminded her too much of her toddlerhood.

“Bad babies get no cookies,” Zoe hissed. “And besides, I don’t ignore her. Sometimes she’s just really repetitive and I get tired of hearing it, okay? I still love her and I will always love her, and it’s not your business.”

Zoe lifted the enchantment she had placed on the locks and called Madison into the room. Mallory sat precariously on the edge of the bed, pacifier and bottle still in her clutches while the bonnet strangled her. 

“Zoe, what the hell? I was watching—“ Madison grumbled as she entered, but she quickly stopped upon seeing babyish Mallory, who had rushed to put the pacifier back into her mouth. 

“Surprise! Merry Christmas!” Zoe said excitedly.

“I—what the fuck, Zoe?” Madison asked. “Why is she wearing a bonnet? No, why is she sucking on a pacifier? There’s so much wrong with this picture.”

“What do you mean?” Zoe frowned. “I gave you what you wanted. A baby.”

Madison’s eyes twinkled and then her brows came together. 

“I didn’t ask for a baby,” Madison stated. 

“Yes, you did! That night when your hair was wet and I was on my computer. You said you wanted a baby for Christmas because you need more responsibility.” 

There was a pregnant pause before Madison doubled over in laughter. Zoe’s face was hotter than the depths of fictional hell. Mallory giggled around the pacifier. 

“Zoe, no!” Madison laughed. “This is why I keep telling you to listen! I never said I wanted a baby! What I said was, and I quote, ‘I think I want an older dog or cat, so long as it doesn’t act like a huge baby.’ That’s what I said.”

“Oh. . .” 

Zoe hung her head. Mallory continued to laugh, only then, she was on the bed, clutching her belly. Madison sighed and wrapped Zoe in her arms. 

“Trust me, we don’t want a baby right now. We are too young for that shit. That’s why I suggested starting with a dog or a cat,” Madison said as she kissed Zoe’s cheek. 

“So I did this for nothing?” Zoe asked bitterly. 

“You?” Mallory lisped around the pacifier. “Look at me!”

Madison ignored Mallory, and took Zoe’s hands on her own. “I don’t want a screaming poop machine right now. We can get a dog or a cat. And though Mallory looks absolutely idiotic in this getup, I think she should make herself scarce so I can give you your gift a little early.”

Taking this at her hint to leave, Mallory scooted off the bed, pacifier between her lips. She played with the silly bonnet, and held the bottle by the nipple as she began walking to the door. 

“Wait, I gotta take a picture of this,” Madison snickered as she grabbed her phone and took a very unflattering photo of the poor, innocent girl who had inadvertently gotten wrapped up in this. “This is so going on the wall of shame.”

“I hope you have a shitty Christmas,” Mallory seethed, removing the pacifier. “I hope your dog eats your bras and every baby you have hangs on while it’s coming out, with sharp, tiny fingernails that stab your flesh. I hope parenthood brings you nothing but pain and suffering and humiliation, just like you’ve done to me tonight. I’m not playing these silly games with you, and I refuse to be your baby.”

“Aw, baby’s mad,” Madison teasingly cooed. “Does baby need a titty to make her feel better? Shall I put baby in the corner for a time-out?” 

“Oh, bite me. Now, I’m going to go watch The Grinch, like I was going to. But thanks to Zoe’s ignorance and choice to ignore you, I got stuck here. So goodnight, and I will see you in the morning for the Yule log.” 

With that, Mallory slammed the door and stomped off. Madison and Zoe glanced at each other before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“So,” Madison breathed once she calmed down, “are you going to actually listen to me more often now?”

“Huh?”

Madison smacked Zoe with a pillow. “Stop it. You aren’t funny.”

“I feel so stupid,” Zoe sighed. “I should’ve listened to you. I’m sorry.”

“Well, now I can give you your gift tomorrow. And maybe, we can think about getting a cat. Or a bird. I like canaries.” 

If Madison wanted a canary, she would get a canary. If Madison wanted a naked cat, she would get a naked cat. Hell, if Madison wanted the entire world in the palm of her hand, Zoe would fight to the death to make that happen for her. 

And it was almost sickening, but Zoe wanted more. Nothing materialistic that came this time of year, but something more meaningful, something priceless. It seemed as though Madison had been clairvoyant all along, because the little black box taped beneath the nightstand just about answered all of Zoe’s Christmas wishes on her grown-up Christmas list. Madison had heard Zoe’s talk of marriage. And she listened.


End file.
